Dear Readers,

When I contemplate the last six weeks (and all the months since early July) it all feels like a hurried, muddled blur. Time stretches and compresses in the way that it does when lots of events squish together without enough space for emotional processing. Even focusing on only the six weeks since I last wrote a newsletter there has been a lot. We launched and concluded a successful Kickstarter for Mandatory Failure. I’ve discovered more meds that won’t work for me because they gave me migraines and panic attacks. Howard’s visit to the Long Covid clinic did provide some next steps, but was largely disheartening. My daughter is now thirty-nine weeks pregnant and occupies a lot of my worry space. (Not reasonably. She’s healthy. Baby is healthy. But labor and delivery are a giant unanswered question and my anxiety latches onto those.) Then this past week I reached a point where everything in my house felt gross, so I started a de-gunking initiative to clean all the things. I’m well aware that cleaning is an attempt to exert control over something since so many large pieces of my life are things I can’t fully control. At least my house is getting cleaner.
 
As I write this letter I’m in a holding pattern. Lots of Kickstarter work pending, but don’t have the funds to get started. Baby not here yet. Several de-gunking task also waiting on funds. I don’t like the waiting place. Holding patterns make me anxious. Particularly since I’m starting to be able to see the schedule past December. I’m worried that I won’t be able to balance my work on writing with everything else. My writing work for Patreon, my blog, and SLSC all got shoved to the side in the past couple of months. I grieve about that even though it was necessary. Looking forward, I want to make sure that these creative efforts aren’t always the thing that gets sidelined in service of other work. I want to do a better job of giving them central space. If only I can figure out how to send medical concerns and emotional processing to the sidelines instead. Give my writing room to play.
 
I wrote about finding a path toward that if I can just internalize the lessons instead of letting them slip away from me. It starts with choosing how to spend today. I’m glad I got to spend some of it writing this letter.
 
I wish you a Happy Halloween since that is a holiday I celebrate and would love to share that celebration. If your holiday is Dia de los Muertos, Samhain, All Saint’s Day, or something I am ignorant of, I hope your observances bring you everything you hope for.
All the best,
Sandra Tayler

 
 The (two) months just past:

I should have expected running a Kickstarter to eat up all my attention, especially when combined with ongoing medical appointments. I lost track of so many other things during the past couple of months. I'm behind on Patreon posting, on SLSC, on almost everything really. But I ran a really successful Kickstarter. For the first time in six months I feel like I made some progress on the paying down debt priority. I've been paying daily attention to improving health, mostly with adapting to medicines and diet necessary for managing my EOE. The Kickstarter was a big step toward putting another Schlock Mercenary book on the table, but I've written almost nothing on SLSC for two months. My core connections efforts have been local and close to home. Spending time with family, close friends, church community, and spiritual practices.

(For folks new to my newsletter, here is where I describe my 2023 priorities and this is where I summarize medical adventures.)

 
 The coming month (November):

November will be new baby, preparing for Dragonsteel Con, attending Dragonsteel Con, and having Thanksgiving (Traditional foods with no wheat or milk is going to be a challenge). I'm hoping to continue the de-gunking initiative, catch up with my Patreon posting, and make progress on SLSC revisions. But I'm also going to try to be patient with myself if I fall short on those last three. (Which feels likely, to be honest.)

 
 Looking Ahead:
 
I can finally visualize what comes after the end of the year.
December will be holidays, working on my annual one cobble book, and Schlock Kickstarter projects. All while, hopefully, revising SLSC.
January will be me orienting to new year and planning. If I'm going to run crowdfunding for SLSC, then this is the month to begin promo work. There is a plan involving TikTok...
February I hope to run crowdfunding for a reprint of the Seventy Maxims book. I want to keep it low key, but crowdfunding is not usually low key. I may also attend LTUE.
March I have potential contract work that will claim a large section of this month. April This might be the month where I run crowdfunding for SLSC, but all the months leading up to this one have a lot in them, so I'm concerned I won't hit this mark.

 
Frustrations:

I'm frustrated that I don't have medical choices that I like. Right now my doctor is quite certain that I'll have to be on medication long term, but all the medications offered have side effects that affect my quality of life. Nothing is dire, I have time to find a good balance, but I am salty about it this month.

I wish that the Long Covid clinic had functioned like a clinic with a treatment path rather than like a triage nurse whose job it is to refer us to someone else. We have ways to move forward, but we don't feel confident that any of them will be particularly helpful.

I'm tired of making do inside the limitations of scarce resources. I would like to reach a season of abundance.


 
 
 Triumphs:

My section of clover lawn is thriving (photo a the end of the newsletter). I've even found new clover sprouts in places where I thought the seed was long gone, so I think next spring I'll have even more clover, which makes me quite happy.

The Kickstarter for Mandatory Failure hit all of our necessary stretch goals to let us keep paying bills for the next six months. We have a plan for still funding the Seventy Maxims reprint that we need.



 Books read:
 
Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown This was a partial re-read. I'd read part of the book before, but never finished it. This time I read the whole thing. It didn't have perspective-altering insights for me because the concepts were ones I've encountered before, but I liked the way reading it stirred up my thoughts and I think it helped me come to some useful focus and process for moving forward.